This Is 30

By: Brittany

My twenties were a whirlwind of amazing highs, and some terrible lows. I accomplished things I once only dreamed of doing. I smiled, cried, laughed and screamed. I graduated with two degrees. I moved to a different state, not once, but twice. I got married, had two beautiful children. I found a job I was truly passionate about. I also developed an eating disorder.

        Recovered. Relapsed. Recovered. Relapsed.  I just wanted to be happy and healthy.

Although I am not fully engulfed and controlled by my eating disorder at this very moment, I still very much have an eating disorder.

Am I at a healthy weight for my body? Nope.

Do I let my eating disorder control everything little thing about my life? Nope.  

I am working towards recovery, striving to be happy and healthy.

I try to better myself every day and to make myself the best, healthiest person I can be. Not only for me, but for my family. I know that close loved ones feel the pain of an eating disorder. Which is why I am making recovery my number one priority. I do not want my children fall into grips of an eating disorder. I want my children to happy and healthy.

I recently turned thirty, never imagining that I would have gone through so much in my twenties. I am determined to make my next thirty years healthier.  I have learned so much and gained so much wisdom. With the help of my family, I finally sought treatment and therapy.

I suffered for so long by myself, and in denial, never admitting my eating disorder to anyone. My family, of course, knew better. I always thought if I didn’t talk about it then it wasn’t true.  

I was so wrong.

I felt somewhat relieved when I finally began therapy. It sounds so cliché, but talking about it, definitely helped. Once I began opening up, I was able to learn so much more about myself and how to help myself.  

I want to use my journey to help people going through the same thing. I don’t want anyone to ever suffer in silence for as long as I did because they feel ashamed, scared, or embarrassed. Life is way too short.

Will I have bad days? Of course.

I hope that the good will outweigh the bad. I want to learn and grow more; so I can be an advocate for anyone needing someone to help them find their voice. I wish I didn’t go through what I did, but in doing so, I feel I ended up exactly where I needed to be. I want to live out the rest of my life being happy and healthy.
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So, here is to growing older, embracing, cherishing, and loving everything that comes along with it. Here is to lending a helping hand and a listening ear to what others have to say. Here is to agreeing to disagree. Here is to being happy and healthy. Here is to 30.

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